J. P. Kelleran

VOTE FOR JAMETH! OR YOU'RE FIRED!

Thu, 22 May 2008 23:17:38 GMT

SHEILA! GET THOSE GOOD FOR NOTHING, SORRY EXCUSES FOR WORKERS OF MINE IN HERE!

They're already here?

Oh, sorry, I thought you'd let the cleaning staff in.

I called you all in here because this is simply too big of an issue for a memo. I need to speak to you all plainly, and without Sheila's tiny girlbrain mucking up my words so I'll appear 'nicer'.

There's an election going on right now, an election that could decide my fate. And maybe yours, I'm not sure how many of you are legal US citizens. Regardless, what's most important now is that the candidate *I* want gets voted in. This way, I can continue about my business without worrying about hippies, or terrorists.

If you don't all vote Jameth, you will all be fired.

http://community.livejournal.com/lj_election_en/25463.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lj_election_en/25463.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lj_election_en/25463.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lj_election_en/25463.html

And I mean that exactly the way it is: if even just ONE of you mental midgets votes for someone else, I will personally call Sheila and tell her to have someone fire you.

Now, I recognize some of you have 'morals' and 'care', so I want to let you all know... you'll be fired if you try and stand up for your rights, just as fast as you'll be fired if you don't vote for Jameth. Maybe faster.

That is all. Get the hell out of my office. Except for you, Franklin. You should stay an extra 3 seconds so I can tell you you're fired. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

AN IMPORTANT MEMO, AND INFO ON THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 04:37:55 GMT

TO: THE STAFF
FROM: MR KELLERAN

RE: DELETION OF LIVEJOURNAL ENTRIES, 2006 CHRISTMAS PARTY

Staff, and Jimmy the Door Man:

DUE TO CUTBACKS ON THE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION PAID TO STAFF, WE WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWING THE DELETION OF LIVEJOURNAL ENTRIES. ENTRIES THAT REQUIRE DELETION SHOULD BE MARKED, MARKED AGAIN, REMARKED, AND THEN SUBMITTED FOR DELETION PERMISSION. SINCE I DON'T HAVE TIME, OR CARE, THIS JOB WILL BE DONE BY OUR DELETION DEPARTMENT, AKA, MARTY KELLERAN, MY NEPHEW, AND A TOTAL WORTHLESS, TITTY-SUCKING MORON.

SHOULD YOU WISH TO DELETE A LIVEJOURNAL ENTRY OR SERIES OF LIVEJOURNAL ENTRIES IN AN EFFICIENT AND IMMEDIATE MANNER, PLEASE SIT BACK IN YOUR REGULATION METAL FOLDING CHAIR AND CONSIDER WHETHER YOU WANT TO DELETE THE ENTRIES BECAUSE THEY NEED TO BE DELETED, OR BECAUSE YOU JUST WANT TAMMY IN ACCOUNTING TO TELL YOU SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

LAST, THERE WILL BE NO CHRISTMAS PARTY THIS YEAR, DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN FIRED, AND REPLACED BY INDIANS (THE DOTHEAD KIND, NOT THE DRUNKEN, GOVERNMENT CHEESE EATING, CIGAR SHILLING KIND). SINCE INDIANS DO NOT HAVE A PURE, CHRISTIAN BONE IN ANY OF THEIR BODIES, CHRISTMAS IS OFFICIALLY CANCELLED IN THIS OFFICE. CLEAN OUT YOUR DESKS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,

J P KELLERAN/ss.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 18:23:12 GMT

ATTN: STAFF

CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN CANCELLED. I EXPECT ALL OF YOU TO BE HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY.

ALSO, YOU WILL NOW BE DOCKED FOR BATHROOM BREAKS.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS,

J.P. KELLERAN

P.S. SHEILA, FIRE THE TYPING POOL.

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 23:11:37 GMT

GODDAMN IT, YOU FAGGOTY FAGGOTS SURE HAVE FUCKED UP LIVEJOURNAL WHILE I'VE BEEN AWAY. GO AWAY FOR 9 MONTHS DUE TO HEART TROUBLE AND I COME BACK AND EVERYTHING IS ALL FUCKED UP.

HEADS ARE GOING TO START ROLLING AROUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

MEMO TO STAFF:

Sun, 21 May 2006 23:32:36 GMT

THERE WILL BE NO BREAST-FEEDING IN THE PUBLIC AREAS OF THIS CORPORATION, OR ANY OF ITS SUBSIDARIES.

IF I SEE ONE GODDAMNED TIT OUT OF PLACE, THE DAME ATTACHED WILL BE FIRED!

now get back to work.

MEMO TO STAFF: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 02:03:46 GMT

Queerston has been named Employee of the Year. He will receive the coveted Employee of the Year parking spot, on level 14 of the garage, as well as a 1-month trial membership of the Pie Fillings of the Month Club.

What the hell are you all staring at? Am I paying you to goggle?
No, I'm not.

Well, I'm certainly not paying yarinaosu, because he's fired.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 23:39:29 GMT

WHO DID THIS???? WHO DID THIS?????????????????????

When I find out who the joker is that did this, HE IS FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Holiday Party.

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 16:39:17 GMT

Welcome to the Liverjournal Industries Christma--er, Holiday Party. Please enjoy the punch and smallish weiners on toothpicks. Also, Edna in Accounting made a poundcake, and Queerston made some pitzells.

I expect you all back at your desks in 45 minutes. Also, this party is considered your lunch break for today.

Enjoy it, peons.

Happy Holidays,

J. P. Kelleran

PS - Edna, you're fired.

MEMO TO STAFF:

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 03:29:27 GMT

There will be no unions this Christmas.

Happy Holidays,

J.P. Kelleran.

MEMO TO STAFF:

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 16:45:46 GMT

That ass-kisser david_deacon has been fired and removed from the building.

I've also fired a crapload of other peons and mental midgets, and I'll probably be firing most of you on Christmas Eve. Unless you're Jewish, in which case, I'll still fire you on Christmas Eve, but you'll just call it 'Saturday'.

Lastly, if one more goddamned ass-nugget stops by my office again just to 'chat' or to try and get a raise, they'll be fired.

Happy Holidays,

J.P. Kelleran.

PS - the entire statements department is fired.

MEMO TO ALL STAFF:

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 06:05:02 GMT

There will be no Holiday Bonuses this year. Instead, everyone will be receiving copies of the New Jersey Hunting Guide.

Happy Holidays,

J.P. Kelleran.

Livejournal just became serious business.

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 07:10:03 GMT

Hang these up all over the office, Sheila. Oh, and while you're on the 7th floor, fire Rachel and Cindy in the typing pool.

No, no reason, I just don't like having to look at them at the holiday party.